the days are long...

...and the years are short..

i was just lying next to lincoln, thinking how utterly delightful it was to sleep next to him.

he's only little for so long, so this helps me to really feel like i'm soaking it in. he doesn't sleep all alone in another room; perhaps were isolated enough as it is in western culture. if i'm going to have a family we're going to be a family: sticky and bonded, sharing small spaces hmong style. i know he feels secure...half asleep he'll swipe clumsily out with a fat baby arm, reaching for the familiarity of soft skin, for mom or dad, and he never has to worry, because we're always right there. in puts peace inside of me.

they fall asleep before me, and i just stare at them, creeper like, thinking they are so beautiful. ever see such great baby cleave?

he's soft and chunky and so sweet and pure. for reals. he laughs in his sleep and i just about die from pure contentment.

link, brand new, being rocked in tyler's arms. happiness.

he hasn't been taught anything, so in my mind that translates to him knowing everything.

his mind is open, there are no walls or ruts or prejudices or pettinesses. his universe is as big as it really is, it hasn't been pruned or groomed or utterly compartmentalized/reduced. i think maybe if i meditate enough i can create a state of such openness? (probably not....see? that's proof.)
how, as a mother, do i keep help to keep it that way?

i can help teach compassion, i can prevent passing down my own sad judgments

with teddy i tempered (hid) my arachnophobia so he wouldn't inherit my fear, and now spiders are treated with deference and respect.


(admittedly there is a bias in our home, however....i point out how "cool" it is to recycle, or how "cool" someone is when they are riding their bike through town, or how "uncool" that 4-wheeling person was ripping through the suburban park...okay, so i don't really use the word "cool." maybe i'm already a lost cause. sorry, teddy.)

air show. my spouse is an air traffic controller so my family is a little geeked out on aviation. i think the wright brother's are cool, but the big airplanes i saw (like the f-16) just scared the pants off me in a primal way. it's like the sky was being cracked. sonic BOOM! initially tyler's job sounded industrial and militaristic to me, but it's actually cooler than that. he doesn't commute with his odd hours, doesn't work in an office, and doesn't wear a suit. every day is a new experience, and he's satisfied because he's contributing to a lot of people's lives in a positive way (safety first.) and with four day work weeks (no 9-5 blah) and great dental insurance: win/win/win. i also get to go up in the tower: win.

had to share: they played "free fallin" with a sky diver and a huge US flag ...

he crashes hard, bouncing and skidding, and it appears these boy scout types are running to his aid. we stare in horror. they run right past him and start folding the flag. tyler and i share incredulous looks.

my three loves. gotta love a daddy who wears his baby.

spoils (aka: the cheapest one.)

off topic? i grew up in the woods, and as i child i was fascinated with the concept of a "neighborhood," you know, sidewalks and friends playing kick the can and walking around. my mom told tales of an ice cream truck from her salt lake city suburb childhood, and i was enchanted, and wished that one would come to my rural home. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. :) the music of the ice cream truck haunts the hot late afternoon streets with kid luring songs: turkey in the straw, pop goes the weasel, and happy birthday. ("come little children, i'll take thee away...." what, never seen hocus pocus?)

i'm happy to say that my soul is coming out of a very tight and long lived cocoon.
xoxo
more to come from suburbia, breastfeeding (you can't wait!), good vibrations, i promise.